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Beep Beep!

The smell of old coffee and trash.

 

A guy who looks like a hobo on purpose, drinking a can of Pepsi.

 

Two. Loud, teenage bitches, laughing at everything.

 

Two soccer moms with their brand new running shoes, chewing gum.

 

One of them is constantly blowing a bubble.

 

The other has too much make-up on.

 

And she’s fat.

 

No need for running shoes.

 

A fat kid with a mini, pink, paint bottle, tracing his name in the air.

 

He looked high.

 

A typical-looking, white biker guy, with a beard, wearing a bandanna with flames, sunglasses and is fat.

 

He’s surprisingly very nice to everyone around him.

 

A wankster blasting ghetto music from his phone.

 

A white, blonde lady decides to confront him that the music is disturbing her.

 

He states he can make his own decisions because he’s in college.

 

His grammar says otherwise.

 

She decides to lecture him.

 

He turns the music up louder.

 

They argue for fifteen minutes.

 

She gets off.

 

A man in a long coat looking like he’s about to either flash his nude body, or kill somebody.

 

A big, black man deliberately taking up two seats with both ass cheeks.

 

A really fat man slowly making his way to the back to get off when the bus stops.

 

He realizes he can’t fit through the doors at the back.

 

He embarrassingly makes his way to the front.

 

Slowly.

 

Three brown girls who don’t know of the meaning of “move back.”

 

One of them tries to move forward instead.

 

One of them rolls her eyes.

 

A lady gets head-faked that the bus was about to stop and tries to get off prematurely.

 

Her face hits the door.

 

A rocker chick with a nose ring and green/blue/yellow hair.

 

A man reading the 24 paper while he traces every line he reads with his pen.

 

He stops, and looks outside for one minute as we are at a red light.

 

He suddenly tries to get off without any type of warning or request.

 

He obviously can’t.

 

He screams at the bus driver for being stupid.

 

The teenage girls are still loud as fuck.

 

Old people getting on the bus and it takes them five minutes.

 

They all get off two stops after.

 

A fat child in the back, right corner, looking like she’s on cocaine.

 

Her trailer trash mom sniffing heavily.

 

She was probably sick.

 

Probably.

 

Hopefully.

 

An old man gets off his single seat to sit on a different single seat.

 

An Asian guy who acts like he’s too fancy to be taking a bus.

 

A Filipino guy with terribly gelled hair, wearing a Canada Goose jacket on a sunny day of 3 degrees.

 

And then there’s me, secretly farting and laughing at the people’s reactions.

 

That was my bus ride.

 

What was yours?

1 note

usednapkin851 asked: Hi usednapkin can you change your username cause I want to be a used napkin? Thanks

Sorry dude, but I like this username as well. So I’m gonna have to say no. You’re welcome.

3 notes

SHHHHH!

There is a person playing piano terribly, in a small room.

 

There is a bastard snickering at a video portraying the cultures of East-Asia.

 

There is an old, ugly woman, coughing and wheezing at the same time, as if she’s about to die.

 

There is an obnoxious teenager talking on his phone using his non-existent indoor voice.

 

There is a crazy man mumbling to himself on a constant basis.

 

There is an organized person, constantly pushing a loud, squeaky cart.

 

There are children speaking loudly in a secluded study room.

 

There is a fucker, trying to look at my computer as I’m typing this out.

 

There are several hobos stinking up an entire corner and section.

 

There is a man looking at porn with his pants down, but trying to be discreet… I think.

 

There is a creeper seductively looking at exchange students from afar.

 

There is a biatch constantly looking at me as if he wanted a favour that involves going to a private room.

 

There is scruffy dude, scratching himself in places that are not rated PG.

 

There is a dirty person who needs to pull her pants up right away.

 

And then, there is me, trying to figure out which way to lean before I let one rip.

 

Welcome to the public library.

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It’s Simple.

Here’s a piece of advice, Now take that piece of advice and give it to someone who needs a piece of advice. Tell them to share that piece of advice with the people who give pieces of advice, and then eventually, that piece of advice will be returned to you as a new piece of advice. So please, take my advice and don’t take my advice.

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You Better Put On Some Shoes… Because This Banana Cream Pie Is Gonna KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF!

Good evening folks. It is my favourite time of the year – time where I get to release the stress built up in my head, out of places that may too inappropriate to type here; a time where I get to frolic in the city, with the possibility of slipping into an state of unconsciousness, and having a dog mark its territory on my leg; yes, a time where I can finally relax and join a few friends in the celebration that is free of paper, thinking, and most importantly——

 

Oh, would you look at that. My laptop battery is at ten percent. Please excuse me.

 

-plugs in laptop-

 

-puts on pants-

 

Anyways, what I’ve been meaning to get it was that the winter break is almost here and, obviously, I’m fucking excited. As you all probably (don’t) know, winter is my favourite season, which is not the reason why I like Game of Thrones. I mean, c’mon, do you really think I watch that show just because it takes place during the winter? Do you really think I skip episodes just to see the scenes where Jon Snow – who is, by the way, not my favourite character, because his last name is “Snow,” – walks with the other peeps in the snow because I like to look at the snow? Hehe… well, if you think that, then… well, I suggest you get some therapy as soon as possible because…

 

…Well, fuck you.

 

And your little dog.

 

And your squirrel nuts.

 

But back to the point, old-man winter is coming. And surprisingly, he came early this year. He didn’t come a lot during the past few days, but gosh, darn it, he came, and he came as much as he could come. He at least covered the grassy areas with his white, sparkly, thin layer of white, sparkly, goodness. One day, he will come so much, that he will be able to cover the entire city with his white warmth.  It must be so enlightening to him, to see children just roll around and pick up a part of old-man winter, licking it and throwing it at each other; even making snow-cones out of his residue.  So we all better prepare for another winter of awesome!

 

The paragraph above may contain hidden, sexual innuendo, depending on whether the reader has a dirty mind. Reader discretion is strongly advised.

 

Although I’m happy that I’m finally receiving a break after so long, it won’t be long until I’m released into the real world. Such a short college life I have, but it’s a good one so far, despite all the studying I am currently doing. I mean, fuck. The only way I could keep myself studying is to try and find new places to study. Right now, I’m at a post-secondary institution that I don’t even study at. If this keeps up, I’ll end up studying in the wild because nothing makes me concentrate more than the sound a gentle wind, rustling grass, and A MOTHAFUCKIN BEAR EATING MY HOMEWORK!

 

-puts on chapstick-

 

Jeeze, why does winter have to make all of my face so dry for? Well at least I stay warm because of my hot body (temperature). That’s probably why I like winter more than most people. People are just so picky sometimes. “It’s too hot!” “It’s too cold!” Well if that’s the case, WHY NOT TURN ON YOUR OWN DAMN SHOWER! STUPID!

 

I don’t get the point of that paragraph either.

 

I guess I ran out of things to say. School is not very interesting to talk about. I shall be back sometime during the break, that is, if I’m not too lazy to finish this blo

1 note

A Toast… Not A Ghost.

What…? Are you looking at me? Why are you looking at me? Why do you need so much attention for? Do you think I like having you tell me what to do? Do you think I enjoy doing you on a constant basis? Do you think I like taking you to a secluded area and force myself to concentrate on you? Do you think I like preparing myself for the stress that is doing YOU and having to finish unsatisfied? Do you think I LIKE taking my hard wood and grinding it all over you at the “right” spots in order to make you happy? And when I do, it’s not always right?

 

I’m never able to win with you.

 

You always come back to me, showing me my mistakes about my past, or about what I did wrong, or even what I’ve forgotten. You always come back, asking me to do you over and over and OVER AGAIN. I don’t think you’re helping me because you tell me that I’m ALWAYS doing something wrong with SOMETHING! Sometimes you come back to me just to be mean! All I see is red, red, RED, RED—- FUCKING RED ALL OVER THE PLACE!

 

I’d rather be with my boys. I’d rather get drunk, get high, or do things myself… even myself! Yeah…! That’s right! DOING ANYTHING ELSE WOULD BE BETTER THAN DOING YOU! EVEN DOING NOTHING IS BETTER THAN DOING YOU! So in celebration to your stupidity and ugliness, I’m gonna raise a glass and toast a big and happy “FUCK YOU.”

 

-raises glass- Congratulations to you…

 

 

       …

 

                …

 

                              …

 

                                            …FUCK YOU, HOMEWORK!

1 note

Fuck Me.

I hate not being able to blog. It’s not a matter of losing time, I’m just using too much of it. I try to recollect my insane thoughts that have gotten loose and store them away, back into the dusty corners of my pumping brain. I try to stabilize my composure when my relaxation time is interrupted by unwanted responsibilities. I try to ignore the negative implications poking at my highly, ticklish, love handles that only exist because of my stupid assumptions.

 

And lastly, I try not to destroy everyone’s toilet as I take a shit in their bathroom and claim it as my territory for forty-five minutes.

 

Blogging is the little thing I enjoy, and enjoy still. Although I never go on it as frequently as I used to, it just means that I’m finally experiencing things that seem more important at the moment. I don’t know where it’ll take me, but if I ever come back again, I hope to share what I enjoy with you again soon.

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When Life Gives You Lemons, Give Them To Patrick To Squeeze Them In His Eyes And Go, “AUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!”

There is active, and then there is “proactive.” I’m using this to describe the people who actually make something of themselves by putting themselves out there; taking action on the opportunities that pop up or make their own opportunities to do something that they love for the benefits of others, but mostly, for their selves.  

 

I am an active person. By that, I mean that I like to put myself out there… and play with balls. Not just ANY balls though. Balls full of air, balls that could be kicked and thrown around, balls that come in different shapes and sizes that could be shared amongst my brethren of who share the same passion of touching balls as much as I do!

 

I’m talking about sports, you guys.

 

…Fuck… *shakes head*

 

As much as it would benefit me to be proactive with my creativity, as it will help me with my future career, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Why? You guessed it.

 

Laziness…

 

Not diarrhea.

 

For once in my life, please.

 

Laziness gets people nowhere, unless of course, you don’t wanna go anywhere, then it would be considered the best thing. People know and realize this all the time, yet laziness gets the best of you. Take me for example. I’ve set so many goals for myself this summer, but here I am typing away of the THOUGHT of it, rather than doing it.

 

Plus, I’m already in my pajamas. So fuck that.

 

The thought of exerting yourself to do these things that you want to do is so tiring, that our bodies only THINK about doing it, rather than doing it. I mean, c’mon, don’t you wanna get out there, meet new people, see the world and start to try and begin the erection of a tall, tall building you call your CAREER?

 

Well, that’s not what I call MY penis.

 

I call mine Spermy.

 

That’s obviously an uncreative joke. GET A SENSE OF REALITY!

 

I mean, who WOULDN’T want to get out there and see the world? Share your ideas with new people you meet? Don’t you wanna create, change, and show the world what you’re made of? OF COURSE YOU DO, YOU MASTURBATING BINDER! Don’t tell me you’ve never had a friend who seems to be making something of themselves by volunteering at a shelter of some sort, protesting, making plans and designs for a website, creating the blueprints of a new business, helping the elderly, making videos of themselves doing talented or untalented shit, scoring a great job at a firm, bank, bar, or some sort of adulterated joint called BOB’S STRIPPING STRIPPERS, STRIPPING STRIPPERS (Try saying that ten times fast).

 

And, and—and when you hear these stories of how WELL they’re doing, you automatically compare their lives with yours. Why am I not putting myself out there? What am I doing with MY life? Why is this little boy pretending to brush his teeth with his mouth wide open and with an expression of sexual enjoyment? Then your mind becomes proactive, thinking about all the things you could possibly do and then you set your mind to it and say, “YEAH! I’M DEFINITELY GONNA DO THIS SHIT THIS SUMMER!”

 

And then you end up naked and typing a blog about it.

 

I’m not actually naked.

 

But hey, I’m not saying that we HAVE to get out there. I mean it would be nice to start creating the path towards your success of something that YOU love to do. The thing is, where’s the time, where’s the money, and most importantly, where’s the menstruation? motivation? You need motivation to get you proactive. Where does one find this motivation?

 

“In your butthole?”

 

No.

 

From other people of course!

 

“From other people’s buttholes?”

 

Get out, Bob.

 

Whether people die, *knocks on wood* tell you their stories, or even watching certain people can motivate you to do what you wanna do. Talking to one proactive person motivates you to THINK about it at least. Now if you just meet a shitload of these people at one time, perhaps it may make you apply for a career, voluntarily volunteer (yay for redundancy), or make your own sex tapes. These are terrible examples, I know, but I’m jus’ sayin’ that no matter what, people will motivate you to accomplish at least one of your goals.

 

How do you think I decided and made it to school?

 

“You had a spiritual vision from your penis.”

 

For fuck’s sakes, Bob -_-;

 

We constantly think about it. Unfortunately, we all can’t achieve it. If you think it’s because you’re just a lazy bunny, to be more polite, let’s just say you don’t have the motivation… yet. It’s hard to get, but the first step into grasping this motivation is doing everything new. However, even this mindset needs motivation. It’s a complicated world out there. I just hope you have the right people to help you along the way, constantly learning from each other. Then one day, you will have the motivation…

 

TO FUCK SHIT UP!

 

I joke, of course…

 

 

STOP LOOKING AT ME!

 

And of course, motivation alone is not enough. You can have the motivation, but how are you gonna do it? This is where you set your goals, silly. One step at a time. Perhaps you’ve already accomplished one of those goals without even knowing it. You’re gonna need good people, and the right resources. Mostly money, but hey, you gotta start small right? NOW GO GET A PART TIME JOB!

 

I know people think about this shit all the time. Of course I’m one of them. And I hate seeing people talking about how they feel they can never be as good as their successful friend overseas or something. I’ve had this same feeling when I was depressed. Thinking about it now, about my experiences, I came up with three pieces of advice:

 

1. Never Compare Yourself With Others

 

At least some of your friend will be ahead of you in life. They will begin to build their way into what they want to do, and it seems quite intimidating, but you can do it as well. We all just take different times, and of course, we need the motivation. Comparing the success of others with the unsuccessful of yours will only demotivate yourself. Sure, you’ll THINK proactively for a moment, but then you’ll get lazy and sulk. But who gives a shit what they’ve been doing? Does it really affect you? Sure they’ve been so hard-working with their career all summer, but have they been hanging out with you? Are they going out to relax and have fun at all, or are they too busy with their careers? Do they have someone they love? Sometimes success isn’t always enough for happiness, y’know.

 

2. When Opportunity Creeps Up Behind You, Don’t Be Lazy And Face It.

 

Even though you haven’t been the most motivated with your life lately, who isn’t? All we wanna do is drink, sleep, hang out with people and have fun all the time, but that won’t get us anywhere. Sometimes we have to take the opportunities that creep up at the back of our heads. If it’s an opportunity that could possibly change your lifestyle, then you better get off your lazy ass and thrive for it. You will only see regret in the future if not taken by you. If you’re still not motivated enough, talk to your friends or family about it. Perhaps they can change your mind. Remember that motivation comes from other people and there’s always room for another opinion to challenge yours.

 

3. Find YOUR Happiness.

 

Of course, this motivation and proactive shit is all easier said (and thought) than done. Obviously, life proves too hard for people and not everyone gets to do what they truly love to do. However, if you have a steady job/career, an apartment for yourself, with a friend, or with a lover, or if you have the time to hang out with friends on a weekly basis or so, then at least you have that, right? You’re able to take care of yourself, pay your bills, and take time to hang with people that are important to you. Sure, your life doesn’t compare to the person who’s in the newspapers, and is making himself known, but if you have people that love and care for you, then what the fuck? Why should you bring yourself down? You shouldn’t.

 

I’ve met some people overcome with laziness to finish the goals that they’ve set themselves up for. I was all excited for them too, in hopes that if they were ever successful, I would be motivated enough to do something myself. But here I am thinking about the things I would like to do this summer. It’s only a matter of time to see if I would actually go through with them. I’ve also met people who are actually successful, scoring business-related jobs, and… other business-related jobs (I don’t have that many friends, okay?) but one of the flaws are that they are still young. They’re set for life, but the young-ness in them still wants to party, hang out and socialize. So don’t compare their success with yours. Sometimes, they still wish they could be in your shoes as well. Sometimes their careers make them change. But that’s another blog for another time.

 

I want to at least finish one of my goals this summer. Perhaps this will motivate some of my friends to do things as well. I like to see my friends put themselves out there. You just feel happy for them… and jealous. But hey, I’m pretty happy right now. I just better keep up the motivation, and take as many opportunities as I can. It’s not much, but it’s much better than laziness right now.

 

Sigh… fucking life never gives you a break.

2 notes

I Like You Hot And Sizzly, Baby… Oh Yeah… Come In My Mouth… Come In My Mouth You— TASTY BURGER!

I woke up in the afternoon (not the morning, what a twist!) to hear a scream outside of my backyard. I rush downstairs to see who it was that was screaming. It was a little girl, screaming because she has a worm stuck on her head. So I run like the wind towards her side and I quickly throw the worm off her head and onto the floor. I then throw balloons full of mayonnaise at her face because she was a girl I didn’t like. On top of that, I was naked in front of her… with mayonnaise all over her body.

 

She’s a porn star now.

 

Moral of the story – Don’t eat too many sliders before bed. You’ll constantly wake up with diarrhea and end up waking up during the afternoon instead of the evening.

 

What was the point of that useless story? I just like typing a random paragraph before I start blogging about anything. You got a problem with that, bitch? If you do, WHY DON’T WE GO OUTSIDE AND I’LL FUCKING—-

 

—-Buy you and ice cream?

 

Summer is here. -flails arms- It’s been a long time since I’ve said that with excitement, hence the flailing of the arms. Or perhaps I was swatting flies away. Who knows? You don’t know what’s happening while I type this fucking blog. Oh, you could imagine all you want, but I’m definitely not that other guy, masturbating while playing the guitar AT THE SAME TIME!

 

 

You’re imagining that, aren’t you?

 

My summer’s been okay so far. Working, hanging with friends, and being hot in the literal sense. Sounds like my summer’s already set out for me this year. I do have some goals for myself though. One is to be as creative as possible. Two is to try as many new restaurants as possible. Three won’t be mentioned in this blog due to NONE OF YO’ FUCKING BUSINESS! NOW GO BACK TO THE KITCHEN AND MAKE ME SOME MO’ DUMPWINGS!

 

Today wasn’t a great day at all. I went to an area where they were serving all you can eat sliders for thirty bucks. It rained, lots of bitches were there, and worst of all—— oh, who the fuck am I kidding, It was pretty awesome. The sliders were pretty great. Some places used the ugly bread found at banquet halls, but most of them were awesome. Shrimp sliders, oyster sliders, goat sliders, chickpea sliders, veggie sliders, pulled pork sliders, brisket sliders, and of course, the main ingredient for sliders,

 

Your mom.

 

Beef, obviously, you guys. C’mon. Why you gotta be sho shtupeed fo’?

 

Surprisingly, I grew no pimples after indulging in the meaty goodness…es… of the beefy, tiny, burgers. Sure, it rained a bit… okay, a lot, but due to that, not many people came. And sure, it was kinda far from home, but it was worth all the awesomeness. I think in total, a friend and I ate about fifteen. Not bad for thirty dollars for all you can eat. That’s about a dollar fifty for each slider. Totally worth it. However, I stray too far.

 

“That’s what SHE said!”

 

I said “stray,” not “spray.” Now can you stop fucking rolling the toilet paper so I can continue my story, you little shit?

 

And then I kicked the baby.

 

Anyways, the day started out pouring. I rode with a bunch of ladies towards a path I did not know. I felt like I was leading them to a place so I could do things that were illegal involving them. Y’know… taking off garments… bringing a camera… maybe bring an electric toothbrush…

 

I felt like I was going to take them shopping for clothes.

 

“Then what was the toothbrush for?”

 

Can’t a guy keep his fucking teeth clean?

 

 

…and nipples?

 

So in the middle of riding there, the rain decided to … rain on our parade. This gave us a bad vibe about the event that was burger day. However, upon arriving at the destination… oh man… the smells… the sizzles… the smoke… the man on fire rolling around to save himself… the male prostitutes—-

 

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

 

Let’s just say that we couldn’t wait to get in line to purchase our tickets. Before I got to indulge though, I had to pick up a friend from the nearest station. I said goodbye to my lady friends, and started to ride towards the station. Before I left the premises, I noticed two hippie males protesting against eating beef because it kills cows, and too many of them apparently. I slowly rode up to them, got into one of their faces and said, “Hey… is the reason you guys want to save cows due to the fact that cows are similar to YOUR MOTHERS?”

 

Then I stopped daydreaming and went to pick up my friend. So what happened next? I picked up my friend. I picked him up very well, thank you very much. -hands on hips- And we exchanged convos, okay? On the walk there, we exchanged convos. Maybe, even held hands. Maybe even sucked—

 

So as we arrived back to the location, I finally found my other friend who I was trying to find before I picked up my friend at the station. He was in a long lineup for the tickets to get all you can east sliders. We ditched him and went to a shorter line to get our tickets. He followed. Ditching plan failed. Played it off as a joke, successful. Slapping him in the face, optional. Slapping my other friend in the face, crucial. Monkeys eating other monkeys, cannibal.

 

I should write poems.

 

No I shouldn’t.

 

So, as a male trio, we decided to begin the indulgence of sliders without the ladies due to the fact that they were already in line for sliders before us. As we got a slider from eat stand, we noticed that they only serve one type of slider, and the details about that slider were posted on posters, which were posted near the posting areas of their stands.

 

It was on a sign, okay?

 

Anyways, us three men were able to complete an entire row of stands, totalling to ten sliders consumed. It rained while we were indulging. Were we happy? Yes. Were we satisfied? No. Were we full? Only one was. I slapped him. It was crucial.

 

We then decided to meet up with the ladies to see how they were doing. They were full as well… FULL O’ SHIT! But not, really, they were full. So we all decided to take a rest, ‘cause, you know… eating is a tiring exercise. DON’T FUCKING JUDGE ME, BIATCH. GET A NEW FACE.

 

As we were looking for a place to rest, we noticed there were free snowcones. We all got a cone. It was icy and delicious. The day went by, and one of the lady friends decided to call it quits. She was full, and being full, you don’t feel hungry again until a long, long time. By the time that time comes (did that make sense?) the event would’ve been over, and we would’ve all shat our pants. On that note, we got another snowcone.

 

We took her back to the station, and there, we decided to take a side quest on our slider feasting and explored a ravine. It was quite muddy and slippery and that is not what she said. At first, we chose a “sketch” side to discover that there was a hobo living around the premises. We saw clothes laid out on a log, cups from timmies, and a matress. Everyone feared for their lives and ran off due to this odd way of domesticity. “Somebody’s living here? RUUUNNNN, EVERYBODY RUUUNNNN!” One of my friends found his coat, however. He decided to leave it there… along with his timmies cup… and old mattress…

 

We trailed along the muddy ravine, trying not to slip and fall down. The ladies and one of the guys were scared of slipping. The other guy and I were completely calm since we both like to take walks and explore unknown places. Why did we decide to take this walk? We all thought it would aid in the digestion of the sliders consumed earlier.

 

Instead, we all vomited on the hobo that was living in that ravine.

 

I joke, the walk didn’t help at all. But that didn’t stop us. We decided to return to the slider place, and many of the stands were empty. Apparently, they were being ravaged by the hungry, slider-eating fatasses and ran out of sliders to make. We were set on getting a few more sliders before we called it a day. But first, we got snowcones. Man, they were good snowcones, I’m telling you.

 

Afterwards, the girls and guys split up to get more sliders. A twist in the story though, us three men were exhausted and full. We drank water prior to the delicious snowcones, and were unable to continue consuming the goodness of sliders. So we can and conversed. We conversed real good, thank you very much. -hands on hips- we even exchanged opinions. We sat at the table on a beach volleyball court and exchanged opinions, okay? Maybe even held hands. Maybe even sucked—-

 

It rained again while we sat there… twice. Mother nature was probably moody. The wind blew two tables with umbrellas down. Everyone stared at it and did nothing about it. I was lazy. Perhaps everyone else was too. We are such great, slider-eating people. We sat there for a while, “Auugh”-ing and “Oooh”-ing about how full we were. The ladies came back… with snowcones. It was amazing. So icy and delicious.

 

Upon that, I was thirsty and I knew that snowcones were not going to quench my thirst. So I went to go and grab some water. On the way back, I noticed that the guys were eating snowcones in coffee cups. They apparently ran out of cones to put them in. They were quite popular. After sitting and conversing, us three men decided to get another slider and call it a day. We went to get pulled pork sliders. They were great. We were full.

 

But not too full for another snowcone. We grabbed one more before leaving.

 

I believe the snowcones were the highlight of our day. Despite the delicious-ness of sliders, the snowcones helped us keep cool, and crushed our sugar cravings. Yum. So after a long day of eating and shit, we all decide to go home, with sliders in our stomachs, and snowcones in our hearts.

 

I know I’ve said “snowcones,” too much already. I wanted to cleverly mention them in a more comedic way, but I’m being chronological here. That is how often we got snowcones. I hope they have them next year as well. I’ll be waiting to satisfy my meat cravings… with snowcones.

This Blog Has 22 Words… That Relate To Penises…

What is love~ baby don’t hurt me~ don’t hurt me~

 

You whore.

 

No, I did not just change that last part. This is the dirty version of the song. If you don’t like it, then go shove a mango up your butt in the middle of aisle three in the grocery store. Why aisle three?

 

What is love~ baby don’t hurt me~ don’——

 

Okay, I don’t know why. I can’t think properly. Perhaps it’s because of the M&M’s I’m eating while making this blog. Perhaps it’s because the AC is blasting in my hot room. Perhaps it’s the glass of milk I chugged down and it’s giving me signs of diarrhea. Perhaps your mom is with me right now making me cookies. Perhaps it’s because the old hobo in my closet is asking for spare underwear because he used all of mine to make a quilt. Perhaps it’s because my love for M&M’s made me take off all my clothing and sit naked.

 

Speaking of love…

 

What is love~ baby don’t hurt m——

 

I joke. I don’t even know what that song is. People keep singing it in my program. I just copy what they do. Conforming? Hey, we all do it eventually. If we don’t conform to anything, then what do we have? Our PRIDE?

 

What is pride~ baby don’t jerk me~ don’t jerk me~

 

So hard~

 

Okay, that was wrong, I admit it. Perhaps I have ruined the song for many people who are reading this blog right now. Well I am here to sincerely say, with all my heart and all due respect…

 

Nice dick.

 

So it’s been a lazy weekend for me. I’m barely doing any homework at all, and I have a partner who lives in Brampton and was unable to work with me for three days. Talk about inflexibility. And I’m not just talking about his mom. OOOOOOOOHHH! YOU JUS’ GOT SERVED! BOOYAH! I joke, stop subtly, being confused. Other than me being lazy, which is like… err’day (I know, that was so whitewashed), nothing has been new with me. I just know I have to step up my game.

 

In bed.

 

Naw, I joke. I mean in my program. So many people are developing skills and slowly getting better at what they do. I have a friend who recently got into all his programs, whereas I was only able to get into one of my programs last year. Serious competition. I wonder how many penises he has to suck to get in. I JOKE AGAIN! Where’s you’re sense of crude and hateful humor? He got in because he’s mad talanated and edumacated. It makes me think long and hard about what I’m gonna try to accomplish with my life.

 

Hehe, long and hard.

 

Hehe, duty.

 

Hehe, mathematicians.

 

What?

 

I have nothing to blog about today. School is never an interesting thing to talk about. I wonder why people tend to lean towards that subject anyways. Oh wait, I know why! To prevent prostate irritation!

 

"Umm… no."

 

To make conversation, obviously. I find that to be a common thing among my friends lately (aside from the people at my school already), but even sometimes people in the same program talk about things that go on in school. School is such a popular subject, and even when it’s hated by almost everyone, it is talked about commonly amongst people at parties and social gatherings in order to spew things that could possibly lead to bonding slash bonding in the sac slash bonding slash bonds. What is bond~ baby don’t shirt me~ don’t—- And do you know what I REALLY don’t get?

 

Why are cucumbers shaped like dildos?

 

Perhaps vegetables are males and fruits are females?

 

It’s a mystery among mysteries… among mysteries… among mysteries… among——

 

What is love~ baby don—-

 

Okay, you know what? This blog is going nowhere. It’s been a while since I blogged about anything significant, important or pertinent – my PENIS.

 

I joke. Perhaps I shall go back to story blogging.

 

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who went outside her cave during the night. She was very curious to see what was beyond the horizons in the dusk. When she climbed the Tall Tall cliff, she made it to the top to find a TIGER BEAR AND DIED.

 

-smack-

 

If any of you have not seen The Croods yet, you better go see it.

 

Well, that’s all on my mind for now. I shall blog about certain things I have undergone and witnessed during my life as a college student. Until then, keep calm and masturbate.

 

And for god’s sake, give a hobo some change… and then smack the cup towards the ground and kick him in the nuts.

 

What is nuts~ baby don’t… umm…

 

Yeah, I got nothin’.

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